Summer Blues

Yesterday was the last day of school. I can't even believe it. It doesn't seem like the end at all. I didn't even realize that Thursday was the last Day 2 of Grade 11, nor did I realize that yesterday was the last Day 1. I didn't realize that yesterday I had my last Biology and Chemistry classes ever. (two of my favourite courses...NOOO :'(.....) No wonder most of my teachers looked at us kind of sadly. Or maybe that was just my imagination. This year, it was weird. No one except the grads really said much about school ending.

And this is not even funny...I'm freakin' SAD because school ended yesterday. Yes, I don't want to take finals exams, but that's not the biggest thing. I think it's that this year felt so quick and so slow at the same time. I feel like I wasted a lot of time, like I never really got into the flow of things before it all ended.
I'm sad because a lot of my friends are graduating this year. I won't see them in the halls come September, I won't be able to ask them about things, I won't be able to reminisce about the past with them.
I'm sad because I liked my classes this year. I'm sad because I'll have to forget my timetable and relearn a new one. I'm sad because I finally figured out everything, but during the summer I'll be sure to forget. I'm sad because I didn't get to say or do a ton of things that I should have done. I'm sad because we finally found out how to talk, but one of us will forget by September.
I'm sad thinking about yearbooks. I'm sad thinking about the year-end BBQ. I'm sad thinking about how I'll miss yet another awards assembly (whatever, I'd rather help rip 600 hot dogs out of their individually wrapped plastic packages anyway...which is A LOT of unnecessary waste, if you ask me.)
I'm sad that I won't be able to see my friends for five of my precious summer weeks. I'm sad that I won't be able to go sailing or to the beach or go camping or just go to the movies with them.
I'm sad thinking about Grade 12. I don't want high school to end. Next year, this time of year, we'll all be saying goodbye, some forever, and we'll all go our own ways. We may not see each other again for months or years, or ever. That's terrifying. I'm sad that next year, starting from Term 1, everyone will be so busy with university applications (SCARY) that we won't have time for each other (or that's what I'm afraid of anyway). I'm sad that next Term 2, we'll be working like crazy to keep our grades up. And then it'll be over too soon. I saw what happened to the grads this year. First two terms, they were too busy to notice much. Then it was term 3...they never knew what hit them. It was like, WHOOSH and then ZOMG it's June and now it's all over. Oh man. It's gonna hurt.

I would've thought I'd be shooting fireworks out my ears with school over already, but somehow they've been extinguished before they could light.
I think one part of it is that I've been waitingandwaitingandwaiting for summer since September...and then now that it's finally here it's like I've built up all this excitement for it, like what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it and ohhh I have SOOOO much time now it's gonna be great. And then I got accepted into this program to go to Quebec for half the summer, so now I realize there's actually not that much time. So now I guess...I guess I feel a bit like I'm missing out on summer with my friends. Although, don't get me wrong, I AM FREAKING EXCITED FOR QUEBEC. It's my first time travelling alone, budgeting my own food, doing my own laundry, keeping everything organized...basically, it's my first time being away from home for more than two weeks. And back then, it was a homestay. This time it's in university dorms! Oh man, this is going to rock.
But... I MAY not be able to post anything while I'm there since I have to do everything in French, and I may not have a laptop there...which is going to SUCK. I am not happy with my current internet arrangements while in Quebec, which is basically 'no internet'. I can't live without it. Geez, I've never gone five weeks without talking to my friends, even if it's just chatting online for 5 minutes. I cannot. Nope. Not possible. So I'm going to get internet no matter what. Yes. I will. I am determined. And I am hardly ever like this so you can bet your bottom dollar that I am GOING TO GET INTERNET. Just watch me.

Anyway, I hope this sad feeling goes away soon because it's threatening to suffocate me. Maybe I should go and throw myself into my studies and I'll forget everything. Hopefully.