Acting happy and cheerful when really you're just plain FURIOUS inside is the worst kind of feeling in the world. It's a mixture of anger, pettiness, helplessness, and guilt. I'm angry at whatever made me mad in the first place, but also at myself for not being able to either let go of it or find a solution. I feel petty and feel like picking on everything about everyone, and don't feel like doing any favours for anyone. I feel helpless because I know there's a limit to all this, and that sooner or later I ought to stop being angry, but mostly because there's that steel cage of "happy girl" that I can't seem to bust out of. And then there's the guilt; the guilt that comes from letting out a bit of the monster seething underneath the surface to those closest to me; they usually get the brunt of my anger.
And then there are the days when those kind of people are the ones making you feel like a disaster zone inside, and those are the days that everything is intensified.
Today is just one of those days.
Stupid.